Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Happy June 23rd!

This may or may not seem like the strangest post I've ever written. But I really feel like I just need to get it out...

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world today! I have an awesome family, amazing friends, 2 great jobs, a beautiful house, and literally everything a girl could realistically want. I am sooo freaking blessed, but I'll come back to that. This next part is where you're all gonna think I have lost it...

I am overwhelmed with gratitude for Billy today. It was 2 years ago today that he left, and a week or so after that a good friend said to me "one day you will look back on this experience and be glad" yep, I was pissed, I thought "how could you ever say that, he is my husband and my life is over". But, I had no idea how right she was! I have learned so much, and grown more in the last 2 years than I ever thought was possible. Because of Billy leaving I have met people I never would have met that have changed my life, done things I never even dreamed I could, I have become a person who is truly proud of myself and the independence I have gained, and strengthened other relationships that will hold a special place in my heart. I will be forever grateful to him for that. But more than that I am so grateful for the friends and family who sat with me when I was devastated that my life was over, got me out of the house when all I wanted to do was lay in bed all day, gave me books that helped them, gave great advice, shared inspiring songs, told me stories, let me vent, made me laugh when all I could do was cry, held my hand and encouraged me to move on, and validated every feeling I have had good or not. I am grateful for the incredible people I have met at Thanksgiving Point, and I am so blessed to have a job that I love so much. I love all of the amazing women I have met working at Amara and so blessed to have great clients who listened to my venting and still kept coming back. I would not change a single thing about this journey.

I literally thank God everyday for my life… I am so lucky. I know life isn’t always easy and it can always get worse, but from the “worse” there is so much to learn and amazing experiences to have. For the last 2 years I haven’t been the kind of friend, daughter, sister, or person I ultimately want to be, I haven’t said thank you enough, returned calls, taken care of others, or been there when I should be. But just know I love all of you, and I am finally in a place where being better at all of that is going to be easier. I know this all sounds like a big mushy gooey rant but I really just felt like I needed to share these feelings today. I am so glad that I am finally having days when I wake up and smile, I fully attribute that to each of you. I will never be able to fully express in words the gratitude I feel for you and your love and support.

Thanks for indulging in my “testimony moment”, I am glad you all didn’t see me sob like a baby the whole time I wrote it.



  1. Love you Cole! I'm so proud of you and the strong very amazing person you are. Thanks for sharing. Love and miss your guts! Love Heidi and Haylie Belle

  2. That was the most beautiful thing I have ever read. You are an inspiration to so many and I think this whole rocky road you have been on has now become a journey full of love and self introspection. You are amazing sweetie and I am so proud of who you have become and the bonus for me is that you are happy.

  3. I love you Coley, I am so glad that today is a good day. I think the last two years have been a and downs and all. You are a great friend and a blessing in my life.

  4. Oh how I LOVE YOU!!! I think you are a true success story and I am greatful I get to watch it first hand! Thank you for your "testimony moment"!!

  5. You are one of the coolest chics I know! I am so proud of you for getting up every day and just dealing with life. It's not easy but it always works out . . . some how, some way! I love you and miss you like crazy! Cheers to a beautiful life!!!
    Leah aka GhettoGirl

  6. Beautifully said!! Amen to being thankful for the things in our lives that seem impossible to handle at the time but make us better in the end. I love you so much. I admire your courage. And I look forward to what the future holds for you! How's THAT for cheesy!!!!!

    Hugs and Kisses!


  7. I love you so much and am so thankful for you and your insights and your attitude. You make me laugh and have a great way of always putting thing in perspective. You are so strong and so amazing and I loved reading this post. It's crazy how time heals and changes our perspective on life and our trials. I am so thankful to have you as a friend and Amara would not be the same without you !! You are amazing!!

  8. I am so happy that you said all of that. This has been such a hard week for me and what you said made me just feel better. I do think that you are so amazing Nicole, and I wish that I would have been a better friend to you the last two years and I am really sorry for that. I wish you all of the best, and hope to see you soon.